How to be Rubbish at Almost Anything (and Why You Should Be)

There was a time in my life when I was rubbish at more or less everything. I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t talk, and I certainly couldn’t read or write. All I was good for was eating, crying, and shitting myself. This is the baseline from which we all start. Thankfully, with time and practice I’ve managed to master one of those baseline skills, and minimise the other two (most of the time). Still… progress is progress, right?

Many years have passed since I cast off my last dirty nappy. As an adult, the whole walking and talking gig comes so easily to me that I don’t even have to think about it. There’s this tiny, microscopic unconscious little kick up the arse from my brain, and away I go, walking and talking like I was born to do it. My guess is that a lot of you are in the same boat, pottering around and chatting without so much as thinking about it. So far so good.

Now, the gap between that first and second paragraph is about 35 years, and during that time I’ve lived a totally unremarkable yet utterly unique life. Nobody out there has seen the things I’ve seen or done the things I’ve done. Simultaneously I’ve done precisely nothing of any real merit with my life, as judged by my own standards. That’s something I struggle to reconcile to myself every day, but then I am famously rubbish at celebrating my successes. Anyone who knows me will know that giving myself a pat on the back just isn’t in my emotional toolkit. Often I only see my failings. It doesn’t matter what I achieve, it’s never good enough, and therein lies the problem. It’s impossible to see yourself doing anything of merit if you’re rubbish at seeing merit in the things you do.

As I sit here writing, I can sense some of you reading that and nodding to yourself, finding something of yourself in these words. It could be that we’re just wired that way and always have been. Maybe it served some biological or physical need in order to drag us out of the primordial ooze and up on to our hind legs. Alternatively it could be the fault of the modern world, and the media (social or otherwise), convincing us with pervasive certainty that we’re just not good enough the way we are, but that we could be good enough if we’d only buy the latest gizmo or go on the latest fad diet. We’re told endlessly from every angle that we’re not good enough. Not unless we’re the best, or the prettiest, or the richest, or have the most likes on instagram. We’re not programmed to see ourselves as a success unless we’re part of the 1% at the top of the pile. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be part of the 1% if that’s your aim, but it does mean than 99% of everyone out there probably feels like a failure, when all they really are is normal.

So is there a solution to all of this? There are probably as many solutions to this as there are people out there looking for one. No two stories will be the same. Everyone has their own truth after all, but there are a few universal truths that I think can help. They’ve certainly helped me to achieve a few life goals, and to be a little less hard on myself. They’re hardly original thoughts but I’m happy to share them with you. Here goes.

Define what Success Looks Like — Then Do it Again.

Take a look at the 1% at the top of the pile. Look how gorgeous they are, how happy they are, how rich they are, how many likes they have on instagram. Now, go and have a good long word with yourself for being so ridiculous and for defining your success by someone else’s standards. You are not competing against those people. They’re on their own journey. You’re trying to get to the top of your own pile. It’s yours and yours alone. This journey is all going to happen within yourself. If you’re trying to get to the top of someone else’s pile then you’re not doing this for the right reasons. So sit down, take a breath, and decide what success looks like to you. Don’t rush this step, and listen to your heart. It could take years to work this one out, and it’s a slippery thing. It changes and morphs as time goes on. The goal posts keep moving, but that’s cool. Just commit to the journey.

Feel Scared.

Right, so you’ve decided what success looks like. Good job. Now comes the fear. Committing to anything is scary. By our very nature we’re designed to seek safety, familiarity, and comfort. There’s no way you’re going to be able to reprogram millions of years of genetic programming, so you’re going to have to work within it, and that means feeling scared to some degree whenever you do anything new or go anywhere outside of your comfort zone. The trick here is to (as the book says) feel the fear and do it anyway. Doing anything new means not really knowing what you’re doing for a good long while, and your fragile human ego isn’t going to like that one bit. It’s going to try every trick in the book to get your to stop what you’re doing and crawl right back to your comfort zone. So yes, you’re going to feel uncomfortable, scared, nervous, anxious, even downright terrified if you’re really pushing yourself. The thing here is to understand that if you’re committing to learning and growing in any way, you’re also committing to feeling these feelings, so accept it now and steel yourself for the ride. Anything truly worth having in life lies on the other side of those feelings.

I learned to ride a motorbike even though it scared the bejesus out of me!

Be Rubbish.

Luckily this one is a piece of cake. We all have an innate ability to be absolutely crap at loads of stuff. It might be something physical, some kind of emotional development, or a creative endeavour. It doesn’t matter one bit what it is. All you have to do is start, and being rubbish should come as naturally as walking and talking does for you right now. You might have a little beginners luck at first but make no mistake, you are rubbish, and that’s OK. The important thing is that you’ve started, which is the hardest bit.

Continue to be Rubbish.

Now that you’ve started, you’re going to be rubbish for a while. Depending on what you’re trying to do, you could be rubbish for a few hours, a few days, a few weeks, or a lifetime. Again, it makes no difference whatsoever. All that matters is that you commit to being rubbish. Embrace it. Relish it. Every single time that you’re rubbish at anything, you get that little bit better. You’re taking a step forward. Whether you realise it at the time or not, you’re learning.

The important thing at this stage is to continue being rubbish without seeing it as a failure. Objectively it is perhaps a failure if all you care about is the final outcome, but if that’s the case then you’re missing the point. The old cliche rings true here. This is about the journey, not the destination. For sure, it can be really frustrating to feel like you’re not getting better quickly enough. At this point your ego is going to throw a massive tantrum and tell you that you really aren’t good enough and that you should never have started in the first place, but your ego is wrong. Keep going. Take a rest day, or a rest week, or whatever you need to do, but keep going. Your brain and your heart are busy in the background processing everything that’s going on. It’s vital that you accept this and allow it the time to happen. If you stop now then you’ll never make it past being rubbish. Have faith and push on. Eventually you’ll start to see the progress you’re making.

Be Slightly Less Rubbish.

Things are looking up! You’re slightly less crap at whatever it is that you’re trying to achieve. Good work my friend. Give yourself a pat on the back if you can. Take a step back and look at your journey so far. Compare where you started from and where you are now. Hopefully you can see the progress you’ve made, and all the lessons that you’ve learned so far, no matter how small they are. Think of this a rest stop on your journey up the mountain. You’re a long way from the top yet, but you can stop and relax a while. Catch your breath. Enjoy the view. Ready yourself for the climb ahead.

Now that you’ve rested, it’s time to push on up the hill. It’s about to get difficult again. We’re back to learning, and all the feelings of fear and anxiety that brings. It might be worse this time around, but it’s likely that it’s a little easier now that you have some experience under your belt. Being scared didn’t stop you the first time around, so it’s not going to stop you this time right?

My attempts at watercolour painting are slightly less rubbish than they were when I started a year ago.

Repeat.

Repeat the previous steps as many times as necessary in order to feel like you’re making progress, but there will eventually come a day when you feel like you’re comfortable. Congratulations, your comfort zone has expanded to meet you. Are you where you want to be yet? If not, simply repeat the previous steps over and over as many times as necessary until you are where you want to be, but remember that this is a journey. Along this journey you might feel your destination shift left or right, up or down. Don’t fear it. There’s no failure in realising that you want to be somewhere else, and the efforts you’ve made so far have not been wasted if they’ve brought you to that realisation. As you grow and expand, your sense of self will shift and you’ll perhaps find yourself wanting different things, which is cool. That’s all part of this process. As we learned right back at the beginning, there’s no point being at the top of the pile if it’s not the pile for you.

Share Your Journey.

This whole journey is essentially a personal one, and it’s not healthy or helpful to compare yourself to anyone but the person you were before you started. However, sharing your journey with others can be useful, inspiring, and reaffirming. For them as much as you. Nobody is an island, no matter what they think. We are a social species and community is one of the most essential and meaningful aspects of our existence. So don’t be afraid to share your efforts. Allow others to see your struggles. Be humble, and allow yourself to learn from the mistakes and wisdom of others if you can.

By sharing your journey you can try to build a community of supportive and understanding people around you. The size of the community isn’t really the important thing here. It’s not about how many likes you get on instagram. That doesn’t mean a thing. It’s about building a community of people who can encourage you, offer advice, and people who you can help in return. Remember that by simply starting your own journey and persevering through fear and failures, you can inspire others to start a journey too. Be free and open with the lessons you’ve learned so far. Give others help whenever, wherever, and however you can. If you’re feeling scared or anxious about sharing your journey with others, that’s OK too. It’s just something else to be rubbish at for a while until you succeed.

Succeed.

Before you define your success or failure, remember that you are wonderful and unique already. There is nobody on this planet like you. You have gifts and strengths that nobody else has, and that nobody could hope to be better at. You are already 100% successful at being you, and that will never change. The only thing that changes is the way you see yourself, which should not be defined by a single external end point.

However, if you have an end point in mind, then don’t forget that with time, dedication, practice, and community there is not much on this earth that we cannot achieve. I wish that there were some magical shortcuts, but if there are then I haven’t found them. My hope is that one day (with just a little unconscious kick up the arse), you find yourself doing something that seems impossible to you right now. But, however you define your success or whatever it morphs in to along the way, try to enjoy the journey. Life, and all of its joy is hidden somewhere between the lines and within the infinite variety of the human existence. Don’t limit yourself to any single thing, We all deserve more than that.